


I’m sorry my dear, I didn’t mean it

by MaybeGordosFeetman



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Angst, Benery fucking cries, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gordon comforts Benery, Gordon has PTSD, Gordon yells at Benrey like a piss baby, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), M/M, She/Her and He/Him Pronouns for Gordon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaybeGordosFeetman/pseuds/MaybeGordosFeetman
Summary: Listen, this is the first time I've posted on AO3, I wrote this days ago. I'm winging it on how to format shit here or set up all this required stuff- just uhh- anyway, enjoy my angst followed by fluff. Also, yes, Bigender Gordon, why? Because I said so.---Lol so basically Gordon gets uhhh, stressed and then fuckin yells at Benery and here we are. I'm bad at summaries.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	I’m sorry my dear, I didn’t mean it

It’s been 10 months.  
10 months since everything occurred at Black Mesa. 10 months since they had “killed” Benery.  
Did he stay dead? Absolutely not. Gordon found that out around the beginning of month 2, when he heard scratching from his closet at 3AM, opening it only to find Benery standing there (thankfully Joshua hadn’t been at his house during that time, so he didn’t have to explain why there was a random person in his closet and why he was screaming bloody murder for 5 minutes)  
Gordon doesn’t know why, but he had let Benery stay. Maybe cause’ he knew telling them no wouldn’t work on keeping them away, so it was just easier to agree.  
The first month (beginning of month 2 to the beginning of month 3) after that was a lot of adjusting to Benery’s presence, after having just adjusted to being in his actual home and not, ya know, fighting for his life everyday.  
There was a lot to adjust to, the random sitting in the corner of the room at 4 in the morning, or the clinking of silverware after they raided the fridge at ungodly hours of the night.  
The months following that (about the beginning of month 3 to the end of month 6) Benery and Gordon started to get.. Closer. There was less arguing, and more normal conversations. Eventually there were “good mornings” and “how are you”s. It grew to sitting and watching shows together, going to places like restaurants and parks, and even cuddling, hugs, just- closeness.  
What were they? Hell if anyone knew, hell if they knew. They were just Gordon and Benery. Roomates who just happened to be really close.  
There were problems however. Benery still carried around constant guilt about his past actions. He never truly meant to hurt anyone, or at least he didn’t want to. Of course, he never truly communicated any of his thoughts to Gordon, thinking it would bother him, or he’d get mad and yell.  
As for Gordon, the stress of all that had happened weighed on him and sometimes, it would get to be.. too much at once.  
Sometimes his stress and anxiety would get too bad at oce, making him irritable due to his inability to control his feelings and mind in basically any way. This wasn't always easy to notice.. Sometimes Benery would.. Say the wrong thing at the… well.. wrong time, setting off Gordon and causing him to lash out. Never anything physical, he was better than that, but things he said could still hurt, and they definitely did.  
One time (middle of month 8) Gordon got home after leaving for work and then got groceries. He had dealt with a lot of stress that day. He had a nightmare the night before, which triggered flashbacks of what happened all throughout the day, he made a mistake at work and by the time he realized, it was too late and he was getting reprimanded, and overall people had been too close to him, which of course triggered more of his anxiety.  
Benery was bad at reading emotions, like, very bad at it. This didn’t end well when Gordon dropped a fork and Benery responded with "Gordon Clumsyman hm? Can't even hold a fork? Gonna drop a plate next?". There was no actual bite behind his words, there never was, but hell if that changed anything.  
"FOR ONCE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP" Gordon snapped back at him, the sudden yelling making the smaller man flinch. He hadn't heard Gordon yell like this since..  
"Damn uh, ouch bro, ok.." they choked out "I'll just.. leave you alone…" he said, quieter, his voice shaking as he walked away, leaving the kitchen.  
Gordon quickly realized what she'd done and was immediately filled with regret "No wait, Benery I-" he started, but it was already too late. The damage was done and Benery was already in a different room.  
Gordon decided she'd give them some space and finish cooking dinner. Benery probably wouldn't want to talk to him right now, not after that whole scene.  
Gordon finished up with the cooking, and decided to go and see if Benery was hungry. What she didn't expect, was to walk to the room Benery was in and find them sitting on the floor crying, bright orbs and low pitches escaping their lips.  
What had he done..  
Without another thought he went over to the small curled up ball that was Benery, and sat down next to them, gently wrapping them into a hug.  
Benery flinched at the sudden contact, clearly not having noticed Gordon prior to this. He panicked, weakly pushing at Gordon to get him away, despite how much they wanted him to stay, but they didn't want him to see them cry..  
They whimpered, too weak to do anything else. "Shh.. it's okay…" Gordon said gently. This was the breaking point. Benery tightly hugged her, sobbing. This made a sharp pain shoot through Gordon's chest as she heard the sobs. "I know.. I know…" she spoke softly and quietly, rubbing Benery's back as they cried.  
"I didn't mean it Ben's, I promise I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry" Gordon said, his voice breaking ever so slightly, pain coating each of his words.  
After a bit, Benery started calming down, and his sobs turned into small whines and whimpers as he attempted to calm down more. Shame washed over him as he realized how long he'd been crying, clinging onto Gordon like a child.  
Gordon carefully lifted him enough to place him on his lap and cuddle him, surprised at how small he was compared to Gordon. It was.. honestly really cute…  
"M'sorry.." Benery muttered out, resting his head on Gordon's chest, this startled him, not used to his chest being touched, and generally hating when it was, this was slightly different though cuz it was Benery.. he decided to talk to him about it later instead of now.   
"Why are you sorry?" He asked, still cradling Benery. They looked up, their eyes meeting him. Damn they had pretty eyes.. they were so bright but they had such a soft look, it made his heart melt.  
"For uh.. making that comment earlier… it was my fault you uhh, snapped n shit.." they responded to his question, then turning their head and looking away from him.  
Gordon placed his hand on the side of Benery's face, turning their head to have them look at him again "Benery, listen to me.." his voice was soft and sweet. "It wasn't your fault, you didn't know. Besides, I should be able to control my temper. You were just being you, you weren't trying to start anything. I shouldn't have lashed out, I'm going to work on that, okay?"  
Benery stared for a moment, seeming that wasn't the response he had been expecting. He straightened up, getting very close to Gordon's face, but stopping, their nose almost touching his.  
"Why the hesitation?"  
"H- Huh?" They stuttered  
"If you want to do it, you can." Gordon said, making direct eye contact with Benery  
Benery paused for a moment, contemplating how to proceed. "I uh- dunno what you're talking about bro" they said, moving their face away from Gordon's  
Gordon smiled "Right, anyway, you hungry? Might need to heat everything up a bit, but dinner's ready" he said, gently lifting them off of him.  
“Psh, Gayman made me food, pretty uhhh” Benery started, but got distracted by Gordon suddenly holding his hand, helping him up off the floor.  
“Pretty what?” Gordon responded.  
Benery got lost in thought looking at the taller man “P- Pretty” he stuttered, caught up in his mind. All he could think of was how pretty Gordon looked right now.  
“Wh-? Did- You just-” Gordon blushed, not sure if he misunderstood or not  
“I- Uh- You look uh- Pretty- uh-” No- shit- wait- come up with a way out of this “Pretty uh, pretty GAY” he blurted out, a blushing mess now.  
“Pff- whatever you say Benny” Gordon said with a smile, then walked out of the room to the kitchen, Benery following close behind.  
They ate and talked for a bit, then laughed over memes that Benery had found on Twitter earlier. By the time they decided to sleep for the night, it was already 12AM. They walked to Gordon’s room (the both of them decided they would share a room due to the lack of a guest room in the house) and laid down.  
A few minutes passed before Benery spoke up “uh, bro you wanna.. cuddle?” they asked.  
Gordon, too tired to respond rolled over and wrapped his arms around Benery, holding them close to him “Mmmm.. goodnight Benery…” he mumbled.  
Benery’s heart melted, but he managed to respond simply, somehow without stuttering “G’night Gordo”.


End file.
